A God to Fear (Thorn Saga Book 5) Read online

  As Heather paced closer, her eyes lit with recognition. “You! You’re the guy who yelled for me to run, back in Virginia. What the hell is happening? Who are you?”

  This being the third time in the past two minutes that Thorn had been asked that question, he felt obliged to offer at least a partial answer. “I’m Virgil,” he said. “Or, well, I’m the one who’s been posing as Virgil.”

  Heather studied his face. “You do look kind of like him, but… what do you mean?”

  Thorn sighed. I’ve been putting off telling her the truth for long enough, and I won’t get much further if I don’t tell her now. Maybe this is finally the time.

  “Come in here.” He motioned for her to enter the room, and she obliged. “How’s Brandon?”

  “Uh, they say he’ll heal up fine. The head wound’s superficial, but his arm will need a cast, and they’re gonna move him up here for a few days so he can recover. I just came up to see his room.”

  “I’m glad he’ll be okay.”

  “Me too,” Shelley said. “Who is he?”

  “Heather’s husband. He was in an accident. Heather, this is Shelley. And on the bed is my char—my friend, Amy.”

  They exchanged greetings, then sat around Amy’s bed and waited for Thorn to speak. He hesitated. He disliked having to open himself up like this, especially when a doctor or a demon could enter the room at any moment. “What I’m about to tell the three of you is going to sound absurd. Completely absurd. Afterward, you may label me a raving madman, but I must tell you this, both because I owe all three of you some answers, and because I need your help. Please take me seriously. I badly need you to.”

  And then he told them. He told them that his name was Thorn. He told them about angels and demons, about the billions of years he’d spent on Earth and the lies he’d believed and help spread during that time. He told them about Constantine and Flying Owl, and Xeres and Thilial, and God’s dubious plans for humanity and for demonkind. He told them about Wanderer’s scheming, and that Heather and Brandon were the keys to convincing God and demons to finally have an honest conversation with each other. He admitted that he’d used Virgil’s body to manipulate Heather and the other humans. He even told them that he only wanted to live a peaceful life away from all this conflict, but that such a life was impossible while everyone was trying to kill him.

  He didn’t tell them everything. Somehow he couldn’t quite manage to fit Marcus into his story, or his own role in the Christmas Eve shooting. He needed to paint himself in a positive light so that these people would listen to him. When it came time to explain the Sanctuaries, and that Heather and Brandon’s former lives no longer existed on Earth—except in their memories—Thorn almost skipped that part as well. But Heather needed to know it so that she wouldn’t try anything rash, like driving all the way to Virginia from here. So Thorn told her the hard truth that she hadn’t existed in her current form before tonight.

  When he finished, a deep quiet settled over the room. The instruments monitoring Amy’s health continued to whir and beep, but the light foot traffic in the hallway outside grew more noticeable, and no one in the room moved or spoke for a long time.

  Heather was the first to break the silence. “For many years I’ve considered myself to be a rational person, and I’ve felt sorry for people who believe things without solid support for those beliefs—support based on evidence and logic. I’ve felt sorry for people who ignored any counterevidence to their cherished beliefs, for people who treated that counterevidence as lunacy or conspiracy. I always thought that humanity would be better, and would grow exponentially greater if we could set aside these myths and superstitions of angels above us, of devils whispering in our ears. And of a reward in Heaven no matter how evil believers are, or of torture in Hell no matter how good nonbelievers are. I always thought such things were childish to believe, and I always thought that I was above them.

  “There’s something that scientists say: extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. And tonight, Thorn, you’ve shown me extraordinary evidence.” She reached across Amy’s bed, placed her hand on top of Thorn’s, and looked straight into his eyes. “I believe you.”

  Thorn exhaled a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “That’s all it takes?”

  “That’s all it takes. For now. I’ll want to learn about the world you come from in a lot more detail when I get the time. Imagine if scientists were able to access it. Imagine what we could learn.”

  Thorn turned to Amy, who nodded her acceptance as well. Then he turned to Shelley, who rolled her head as if stretching her neck muscles.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “Amy, you trust this guy?”

  “He’s telling the truth,” Amy said. “He’s been trying to keep me safe. Everything he’s saying, I’ve seen it all for myself. And that’s before I was on meds.” She grinned a loopy smile.

  Shelley dithered, avoiding eye contact. “All right, whatever floats y’all’s boat. I guess I’ll play along. But you said you needed our help? What exactly does that call for?”

  “I can’t stay here,” Thorn said. “Sooner or later, my enemies will think to search for me near Amy. They know I care about her, so I’m going to leave you alone, Amy, until all this is over.”

  Amy nodded, although she seemed a bit saddened by this.

  “Heather, you and Brandon must avoid her, too. And as soon as Brandon gets his treatment, you need to flee the hospital. Don’t check out, don’t pay, just run. Blend in with a crowd and get away from here.”

  “Okay, sure. But won’t these… won’t these ‘demons’ track us down, too?”

  “They will, yes. But only stupid ones, most likely. There are only a few demons in the city who know how important you two are, and they won’t know where you are even if other demons do. As long as you don’t do anything to advertise your location, that is. And as long as you don’t talk about anything I’ve said here tonight, even alone with each other.”

  “Works for me. But where can we hide?”

  Thorn turned to the injured girl on the bed. “Amy and Shelley, that’s where you come in. Can we borrow some money for a hotel room?”

  The girls exchanged glances. “Sorry man,” Shelley said, shaking her head. “My account is at zero. Well, negative eight thousand if you factor in student loans.”

  “I’m broke too,” Amy said. “I owe Lexa a whole bunch of money. And my mom doesn’t have any.”

  “It’s okay, I have money,” Heather said.

  “Cash?” Thorn asked.

  “No, I have my card.”

  “Your cards won’t work outside the Sanctuary. But Amy, you’ll be in the hospital for a while, and I imagine your mom will want to stay here with you, at least for the next few days.”

  Amy seemed to mull this over for a moment, then said, “I don’t know about that.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Amy’s mom isn’t exactly Maria von Trapp,” Shelley said. “She’ll probably go out partying the first chance she gets.”

  “Right, I know. But I need a place for Heather and Brandon to stay, just for a day. I hope that’s all the time I need. Amy, would it be okay if they stay in your apartment?”

  “Um, yeah, that’s fine with me. But why not Shelley’s place?”

  “She has a big family and the house won’t be empty. I hate to ask this of you in your current condition, but do you think you can keep your mom away from your apartment for a day?”

  “Sure thing.”

  “Good. It’s not a perfect hiding spot, but it’ll buy us some time. Heather, you and Brandon go to Amy’s and stay there. If I haven’t contacted you after a day, leave. My enemies will eventually think to look for you there.”

  “Works for me,” Heather said. “We’ll just need directions. And I have some limited medical experience, so I should be able to look after Brandon. You’ll definitely come for us there when you’re done with whatever you have to do?”

  “
Yes,” Thorn said. “And don’t let anyone in besides me.”

  “Should we have some kind of secret knock or password?”

  “Good idea. What should the password be?”

  “Antidisestablishmentarianism,” Shelley offered.

  “No,” Thorn said.

  “Karen,” Heather suddenly said. “Did Karen make it out? What about my dad?”

  Thorn gently gripped her hand. “Don’t worry about anyone you lost in the Sanctuary. They’re all fine, but they’re still stuck under God’s control. If I’m successful, they might all be freed.”

  Heather nodded, her relief palpable. “How about we use ‘Karen’ as a password then?”

  “‘Karen’ it is,” Thorn said. “Let’s move.”

  He stood, and the others followed. Amy provided the keys to her mom’s apartment, and the group said its farewells. Shelley left to grab some board games for Amy. Thorn wanted to kiss Amy on the forehead, but thought better of it. He was still her demon, her protector. The time for closeness would be later, if ever.

  As Heather was heading out, back toward Brandon, she stopped next to the door. “Thorn, can I ask you a question?”

  “You may.”

  “Did you ever know a girl named Crystal?”

  Thorn stepped back in surprise. “Yes, I did.”

  “Is she okay?”

  How fascinating. Could it be possible that Heather was remembering her lives from previous Sanctuaries? Thorn supposed it was just another quirk of the system—yet another small imperfection that God had overlooked.

  “She is okay,” Thorn said. “Cole, too.”

  Heather smiled a pure, gleeful smile. She nodded to herself, then left the room.

  Thorn ambled back toward Amy, but saw that she’d fallen asleep. So he walked to a window, amazing himself yet again that he instinctually knew how to walk—not to mention how to breathe and speak—in this human body, despite so little experience with the thing. It must be a sign that I was made for something more than demonhood. He eased the window open, then looked out from the old building onto the prodigious city he’d once called his own.

  Brisk wind assaulted his senses, but he quickly came to enjoy the cold on his skin and the smell of the night air, full of pollen, car exhaust, cigarette smoke, and a faint trace of some distant fried food. Having never eaten before, Thorn would love to try it. But he knew that he’d likely morph back into a spirit again after taking a few steps out of the room. How is Amy having this effect on me?

  Perhaps his physical form resulted from his newfound morality, somehow. Or at least from the morality I’m trying to obtain. Thorn had tried to act with a good conscience lately, especially during this last day in the Sanctuaries, but he still didn’t know where to turn when he needed answers about morality. How can a being as immoral as me derive morality from within myself?

  Thorn hoped that he was changing for the better. But the corpses of the two demons in the closet might have disagreed.

  •

  “Judge!” Thorn yelled as he flew through the closed doors of the Judge’s courtroom. Hundreds of demons looked up from the spectators’ benches, the jury box, and every other cranny of the large room. Shocked surprise spattered onto their faces.

  Thorn had spied the Judge before entering, hovering by the court clerk’s desk, so he’d planned his grand entrance as a curve, arcing from the doors, upward to the center of the room where all could see him, then downward to the Judge, who would have no choice but to listen if Thorn proclaimed his findings to the throng. “God created the Sanctuaries as tests for us, because He wants to reconcile!” Thorn bellowed. “He will accept defectors with open arms if we can prove ourselves moral enough. I have evidence of this: two humans, Brandon and Heather, who were in both Sanctuaries with me. The Judge has seen them, too. The Sanctuaries are not operated for their sake, or for the sake of any human. The Sanctuaries are for us—demons.”

  “Rulebreaker!” one demon yelled. “Traitor!” called another.

  Thorn continued speaking over a few more protestations. “If we spread this news to all of demonkind, God’s tests will become worthless. If He truly loves us, as He claims to, He will be forced to leave us alone. We will finally be able to form our own society apart from His tyranny.

  “Furthermore, we have all been lied to about the nature of God, and of His religion. Christianity was created not by God, but by one of our own: Wanderer. For evidence of this, we need only to capture and torture him, or any of his closest followers, especially—”

  Marcus. The gaunt demon rose from beneath the judge’s bench at the front of the room. The clamor among the demons grew louder as they sensed a showdown between Thorn and Marcus, two known enemies.

  Thorn glanced down at the Judge, who hid his face. Marcus drifted higher and stretched out his arms in a gesture that demanded command of the room. The other demons hushed a bit. Marcus cast a steely frown at Thorn, and it blanketed him in dread.

  “You say that God recycled two humans from one Sanctuary to the next,” Marcus said to him. “So what? Even if you can provide the evidence, which I doubt you can, all you’ve proven is that Sanctuaries don’t exist for the humans’ sake—not that they exist for ours.”

  “What is this?” Thorn asked to no one in particular. Then to the Judge: “What is he doing in your courtroom?”

  “It’s not his courtroom anymore,” Marcus said. “His long rule over this city has ended. He is deposed. I am the new Demon Judge of Atlanta, and I am the sole leader of this city.”

  Thorn glanced down at the Judge, whose submissive posture suggested that Marcus spoke the truth.

  “Wanderer put you here,” Thorn said to Marcus. He suppressed his fear and raised his voice for the whole room to hear. “Deposing the Judge was not just a normal power play. Wanderer has placed Marcus in this position, because Wanderer knew I would come here for help, and he wants to discredit me and end my life. But I say we seize Marcus and demand answers from him! What say you all?”

  Thorn’s rally to action was met with silence. The crowd remained still, staring upward at the two rivals, one a plaintiff and the other a defendant.

  “They trust me,” Marcus said, “because I haven’t broken any Rules lately, unlike you.”

  “Marcus, you’ve seen Brandon and Heather. Stop believing what you want to be true and start believing what you see. What else could Sanctuaries be for, if not for us?”

  Marcus ignored his question and spoke loudly, to the whole room. “You deserve execution, Thorn. But because I am a magnanimous leader, I will grant you a hearing rather than let the masses have their way with you. I will listen to your evidence… if you will tell me where I can find it.” He placed special emphasis on this last clause.

  Thorn took a few seconds to realize Marcus’s ploy. He looked fair and generous in front of the crowd, but if Thorn brought Heather and Brandon to him, Marcus would abduct them, then sentence Thorn to death. He cursed himself for being so foolish as to charge in here with his prepared speech. But at least he’d had the foresight to hide Heather and Brandon just in case.

  “The angels swear blind allegiance to God, and they are all slaves who fail to see the world as it really is,” Thorn said to Marcus. “You’ve sworn blind allegiance to Wanderer. You are the same as them. None of us, including you, should let ourselves be coerced into the service of someone who wants only to control us. I want to be free. Do you?”

  “I am already free. I know what I know, as do we all. We’ve had this discussion before, and I grow tired of it. You are insane.”

  Thorn lowered his gaze to look upon the crowd of demons, who stared shrewdly at him and seemed to be genuinely mulling over his pleas. “Do I look insane to you? I am your former leader! I led this city to glory and prestige! Would I say the things I have said tonight if I didn’t have good reason to say them?”

  “You’ve always been a self-absorbed psychopath, Thorn,” Marcus said. “We once admired you for it, but we will not
follow you into these new delusions. You are beneath me. You are beneath us all. And you deserve to die.”

  At a swift gesture from Marcus, several guards rushed toward Thorn. They gripped his limbs before he had a chance to defend himself.

  “Marcus, please, be reasonable.”

  “Tell me where your humans are, and I will be reasonable.”

  An intuition struck Thorn. He threw Marcus a rebellious grin. “You can’t kill me until I give the humans up, can you? Wanderer won’t allow it.”

  “I do not take orders from Wanderer.”

  The guards hauled Thorn toward the chambers behind the podium and the rooms farther back where prisoners were kept. “Since they’re still alive, anyone could find them. Anyone could ask the Judge or Shazakahn, and learn that I’ve told the truth here tonight!”

  The rising commotion in the courtroom encouraged Thorn. Marcus would not be able to enlist other demons to aid him in his search for Brandon and Heather, lest they discover that Thorn was right.

  “You’ll never find them!” Thorn yelled. He laughed spitefully. “But someone else might!” He shouted this last exclamation as an appeal to the crowd.

  None rose up to save Thorn, though, as the guards dragged him toward captivity. “Question Wanderer and Marcus! Question all authority! Go to a Sanctuary yourself! The answers are before you, if only you care to search for them!”

  Thorn got out the last word just before they pulled him through the wall.

  5

  I made my case so poorly, Thorn lamented in his prison cell, a small chamber used for holding inmates prior to their court hearings. It lay in darkness save for the dim moonlight sinking down from the window. Thorn thought of dozens of things he should have said to Marcus—things that might have persuaded the other demons. I should have taken more time to think through my speech.

  Thorn’s true, spiritual cell was a cell made of bodies. A hundred and forty demon guards had locked their limbs together to create a lattice of spirit bodies above, below, and around Thorn. He tried to plan an escape, but even if he broke through the cell’s living walls, he would never survive the ensuing confrontation with so many demon guards.